The king has returned, regards, The Momarchy.

My return to dat stage tho.

Hello I’m Dawn and its been four years since my last Stand‐Up gig. I had an accidental return(not the oops I fell on the stage kind of accident) but it was too good of an opportunity to say no and not to mention flattering. I have done three more gigs since in the last two years. Still rusty, still lacking that
no‐fucks‐given  confidence on stage that I used to have. That confidence, that energy, that fierceness I once had, is it lost? I ask myself. Am I just such a different person now? Am I out of the race, like a greyhound bitch who’s had pups and cant race anymore? I only wished I had the figure of one! Maybe my funny bone was located in my vagina and it was destroyed giving birth?? Nice one, another reason to resent my kids.

Since having kids I am STILL the same person and I still spend every moment looking at them thinking these guys just, like, fell out of me! Like I totally grew them myself. Like seamonkeys but with more responsibility. I am a mom but also a separate person with dreams and adventures that I still want to
part take in.

I imagined, foolishly, but hilariously that my return to comedy would be me riding in on my white comedy horse (ego metaphor, my ego is racist) and greet every one like they were adoring fans. Have a bit of  queen wave going on, few kisses blown AND CAUGHT!  Shouting ‘fear not peasants, I have returned to emotionally scar you and perhaps make you giggle.’  But my return went more like I was
telling people a very long taxi driver like joke and I had Parkinsons. I was overwhelmed with nerves. I mean I was always nervous before but usually just before I went on stage....not from the moment I
woke up until the moment I got offstage.


Now back in me olden days comedy opened a lot of doors for me‐like acting, (which is what I want to
do‐my dreams) also a spot on radio and a regular gigs 2/3 gigs a week when I was living in Dublin. I wouldn’t mind if comedy closed its doors to me now, as in I wouldn’t blame them. The absolute state of me. I mean I am getting  bit better with every gig but I will only get better if i am gigging more which is
incredibly difficult with two kids, a man‐child husband and no car. Plus there is only two comedy venues in Cork and only one of them is weekly.


I was always never 100% happy with any performance, I guess that was my driving force. I love comedy and performance. I love listening and watching other comedians grow and perform and evolve their sets
and themselves as comedians. I love writing and observing even though my observations are better than my writing. I am still using mostly my old set until I can find my stage self. Until my stage presence is concrete again. Then I will risk my new stuff. I find it very difficult to even talk to people on a daily basis when my mornings and nights and everyday
is just talking to my kids. I’m just weird! I’m not used to socialising and I find it hard to switch off MOM MODE. It takes me awhile, I am a fish out of water. After days of mothering, cleaning, shopping, refereeing, cooking..sitting down to write some comedy or even leave the couch is tough work.

So yes, I’m rusty and that’s not just the colour of my hair or the sound of my legs opening since they have remained closed since the last birth, not for renovations, just for the real contraception. But I am getting there....performance wise not leg opening wise (I could convince my husband I am  mermaid at this stage). Performance is who I am. Comedy is a door to another for me currently, a very creaky faraway door and a lot of doors.... kinda like getting into Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory. But fuck
it I enjoy the challenge. Thanks for reading.